Fat Butt Cheeks/Potatoes and Leeks

Who sucks at updating? oh, me! me! me! It seems like I've been starting most of my posts with some crappy apology for my lack of consistent blogging, so this time I'll just settle on an admission of guilt and get on with the damn thing.

I haven't been super motivated to cook the last few days as winter's chill sets in and all I want to do is watch reruns while huddling under a mass of blankets. However, I recently found myself in a very odd kind of convenience involving my "naked fat guy" halloween costume and my winter garden.
Let me explain. The production of my fat man "giblets" required two small potatoes for realistic heft-and-swing, leaving me with a bag of leftover spuds. Also, my garden is still going with a few winter crops, including leeks. It was clear...there was soup to be made. I don't care how goddamn pedestrian some critics may think potato and leek soup is, it's easy and delicious, which is why everyone should know how to make it.

Potato and Leek Soup

-3 fat leeks
-4 cloves of garlic
-5 sprigs of thyme
-1 lb potatoes
-3 celery stalks
-2 tbsp rendered bacon fat (or butter, whatever)
-5 cups of chicken stock
-1/4 cup heavy cream
-s&p to taste

Roughly chop your leeks, celery, and potatoes. You don't really need to chop the garlic, just smash and peel the cloves with your knife. I say "roughly chop" everything else because you're eventually going to take a blender to the lot. You can also make your life a little easier by tying the thyme together in a bundle with some kitchen twine.

Place the bacon fat (or whatever you're using) in a pot over medium-high heat, then add your leeks, celery, and garlic. Stir the stuff around every minute or two, and after 5 minutes or so the leeks will start to soften and the garlic may brown a bit. At this point you can pour in the stock and potato chunks. Bring it all to a boil, reduce the heat to medium, cover the pot, and let it all cook until the potatoes are fork tender - about 20 minutes.

Remove the bundle of thyme from the pot, add in the cream and let the soup cool for at least 10 minutes. Proceed to blend it all up with your weapon of choice - I am quite fond of my crappy immersion blender. I tend to like my soup with a creamy texture so I blend the crap out of it, but if you like lumps then by all means leave some be. Season with salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.

yup...that's it...brown-boil-blitz. Then return to your heap of blankets.


....aaaaaaand for those of you who have asked, I fashioned my wang from a half-empty tube of sensodyne toothpaste.