Heavenly Eats at Ungodly Hours

Howdy peeps: about a month ago I decided to pursue sadomasochism in its purist form by joining a kettlebell class. Woe be unto our instructor, Josh, whom I mistakenly refered to as "Justin" for a full 2 weeks. He seems like a legitimately nice person, and all I can seem to do is reward him with a litany of complaints and smutty jokes. Far be it from me to feel remorse about very much, but a tiny bit of guilt pinched me whenever I remembered that I was verbally stomping upon the delicate flower that is he. If time tells us anything, it's that change on my part is pretty effin' unlikely. Alternately, I served my penance by bringing breakfast goodies to class.

Buttermilk scones with apples and cardamom

1 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1/4 cup butter
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/3 cup turbinado (raw) sugar + extra for dusting
1 tsp cardamom
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
decent pinch of salt

APPLE STUFF:
1 1/2 cups of apple (I think I used gala)
1/2 tbsp butter
1 tbsp raw sugar
1/4 tsp cardamom
1/2 tsp allspice

Preheat your oven to 400 f with and make sure that the rack is set in the middle of it. Peel and dice your apple (I like 1/4 inch dice) and combine with the spices (from the APPLE STUFF subsection of ingredients). Put a pan over medium-high heat with the butter and sugar in it and wait a couple of minutes for it to begin caramelizing. Throw your apple mix into the pan and stir to coat while cooking. After a couple of minutes the fruit should begin to soften. At this point, take it off of the heat and set aside - we don't want apple mush, so don't cook it for more than 5 minutes.

Mix all of your dry scone ingredients together (everything except for the buttermilk and butter) - I suppose you should sift it, but who has time for that crap before a 6:45 am class? Cut in the butter with a pastry blender or sturdy fork until the mixture gets a mealy kind of texture. Mix in the buttermilk, vanilla, and apple. Proceed to smush the stuff around with your hands until things are all well incorporated.

Cover a large baking sheet with parchment paper and roughly roll out 10 somewhat even balls of dough; arrange them at least an inch apart as they do expand while baking. Dust each scone generously with more turbinado sugar and bake for 15 minutes. Follow this 15 minute period by turning on your broiler for an additional 3-5 minutes in order to carmelize the sugar topping - it keeps their crusts nice and crunchy throughout the day. I have a real problem with the soft, tasteless scones I tend to find in coffee shops so rest assured that these crunchy-on-the-outside-tender-on-the-inside eats are no kin of those bland failures. I also realise that one might think that eating baked goods right after training is completely retarded, HOWEVER, these scones aren't too bad of a choice as they contain less than 150 calories each.

...SEE, JOSH?! SEE!? I am, in fact, able to go a full 512 words sans innuendo DESPITE mention of rolling balls and succulent fruit.